Why is it that we girls insist on asking the stupid, unkind and unfair questions of our husbands? The words "Do I look fat?", "Am I prettier than she is?" and "Will you still love me if I look like a buluga whale after this baby comes?" Should never cross our lips. What do we expect them to say? The truth? What if the truth hurts? And why is it that we doubt their love so much we feel the need to ask those vain, self validating or self destructive questions? We are in deep enough on our own with our issues without draggin' some other innocent bystander in with us. Namely our husbands, boyfriends or significant others.
Now over the years I have worked very hard at keeping these questions to myself. Always reminding myself they are self centered and unproductive. However from time to time one slips out and becomes a disaster. My poor Corey has put up with these questions and answered them lovingly everytime.
Combine these questions with the overload of emotions that come with pregnancy and you've got an atomic bomb waiting to happen. Thankfully for Corey I don't have a temper so my anger emotion has been left as per usual - untouched. The downside for him is, my tear ducts, which used to leak from time to time have turned into a 7/11 - open 24 Hours. And however happy the people at Kleenex brand are about my now bulk purchases of the handy tissues, it leaves something to be desired for the sain people trying to live with me.
Yesterday proved to be no exception. While shopping for a crib matress one of those destructive questions slipped out - "If I wasn't pregnant would I look fat?" Now what kind of question is that? I mean seriously if I wasn't pregnant there wouldn't be a pumpkin growing in my belly. Corey could have said "Of course not, you look perfect ." and I would have responded "What perfectly round?" Nothing was comforting and he said all the right things. "You're not fat, I love you, you're beautiful...." and so on. But I wasn't listening...poor guy.
For those of you who know Corey, you can attest to his unending smile and amazing attentive abilities. I am truely blessed to be married to such an understanding man. Nobody else would laugh of my irrationability, kiss me and tell me that no matter what he's gonna be there and love me. Most men would have rolled their eyes, told me to get a grip and headed for the tool section.
This being said I am desperately looking for someone to reassure me that once this baby comes out I will go back to normal. It will happen, won't it? I'll go back to only crying over sappy movies and touching cards, instead of every second commercial and the fact that my cereal box is empty, right? And if not...can you just pretend for now to preserve what's left of my husband's sanity?
1 comment:
Dear Ashley,
This little life that is stirring emotions within you right now...well it works like this.
You are pregnant and just like when it is "that time of the month" your emotions are not your own. Happens to all of us in one way or another. You cry at the drop of a hat or are just made because... yea because.
Then when you have this dear baby... hate to tell you... your tears are a little closer to the surface than before you had a baby. When he or she smiles...you will well up inside...maybe not your eyes but your heart. The first time they look at you and say "mommy you forgot it is red day".... oh my gawsh... you will fix it, and leave and find a place to shed some tears. Then when they have days that life is just "not fair", part of you will break inside. Then, when they decide to move away from home, your heart will be pulled in happiness for them and lonliness for you. Getting married? Well look out chickie!! Emotions are on a high... then comes the day in anticipation that you wait the arrival of a new life from the dear one that rests within your womb today. Emotions? They are always there, they just change the point of focus that is all.
Every tear I have cried over you and with you is worth each box of investment in the Kleenex factory.
Enjoy dear!!! Corey will make it through, your Daddy has. He even says now, that when I cry for something "sweet", it hits his heart. They feel it too...just different. For now, your emotions belong to your hormones... soon they will be yours and come from your heart.
Love ya... sheesh... this darn blog always plugs up my eyes!!!
Mom
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