Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Complete System Meltdown

They* can create cars that parallel park themselves, phones that take photographs, we can Tweet on Twitter, and send a message across the world in seconds, we can get vacuums that do the job sans human, and ice cream from a vending machine (check it out, this is awesome, Corey wants one for Christmas). There are pills for migraines, to keep you looking younger and to make your wrinkles disappear, to make your hair grow longer, your nails thicker and to battle impotence (oh come on, it's like the girl squished into jeans 1 size to small, we all know they don't fit but nobody wants to say it. VIAGRA there, I said it*blush*). They can elect the first African American President (whoot Obama!), create a vaccine for chicken pox and sell Paris Hilton records (what?).

What they can't seem to do is create a chip (preferably salt and vinegar flavored) to "fix" the Mommy brain. We can take our computers to Future Shop for an overhaul, more memory and virus protection but I can't figure out how to empty the trash of my memory - who cares that the average woman eats 1 tube of lipstick each year, I don't but I know it or where the heck the defrag option went!

As great and wonderful as life is in this neck of the corn, I spend the majority of my days on overload! I feel like there should be this red flashing light above my head and a disclaimer on my forehead, "WARNING! This Mommy set to self destruct in 3...2..." And before we reach 1, something else happens to delay what feels like the inevitable. Someone falls and smacks their head (could be either kid, Audrey's sitting now), there is pee on my carpet (that'd be Beth) or poop oozing (that'd be Audrey), chocolate to wipe from a chin (Corey) or dishes to do. I feel like from the moment I open my eyes to the sound of one of my children (because we all know I'm not going to voluntarily open my eyes.) which is quite often the joy of my day because they're either babbling in bed or yelling that "Mommy! I awakie now, I had good sleep, come get me!", my life is in fast forward.

Cuddle kids, feed kids, change kids, put kid on potty, give other kid soother, play toys, watch a show, get dressed, get ready for work, haul kids to car, haul kids back to house from car for another potty break, work, feed kids, put kid for nap, put other kid for nap, change bums, work, get kids up from nap, put kid on potty, clean up pee from missed potty, load kids into car, go home, do laundry, empty dish washer, play with kids, make supper, feed everyone supper, clean up dishes, play with kids, look at dusty shelves and think not today, make bottles, put kids to bed, sit in chair exhausted (yes Dad. EXHAAAAAUSTED), look at husband and realize you haven't kissed him yet, do that, brush teeth after he flinches, crawl into bed, attempt to read a novel to which you fall asleep, turn off light, pray for a full nights sleep. Open eyes and repeat.

Did I miss anything?

I feel like that's almost an accurate sum of my day. And while all of those things bring me joy (minus the stuff in the carpet) and I mean joy, I love my kids and being their mother. I also feel like those things bring me stress, worry and anxiety. Nothing to be concerned about and certainly nothing major, just regular Mommy stuff, "Did I buckle Beth in (almost forgot yesterday, she reminded me)", "Does Audrey need to eat?", "Did I do that time out right?", "Am I EVER gonna figure this out and not screw up my kids completely?" You know, that stuff.

The icing on my already crumbling cake is the fact that my memory of steel, the one that holds memories as far back as the day my kid brother was brought home from the hospital (I was 23 months), is failing. I can't remember what I phoned my Mom for or why on earth I went to the drugstore. And where the heck is Sarah, I swear I just saw her, SARAH where are you (Sarah is a doll, if you hadn't figured out there's a problem before now, this could be your hint - hint).

To finish it off, last night, I was out getting groceries and picking up a gift certificate from a local restaurant. All the while my brain was going crazy trying to process today and plan tomorrow, the next day and 2015 too. I got out of my car, walked towards this rather fancy restaurant, stood in front of the glass doors with people all around, pointed my remote for the car at said door and pressed unlock. Then I waited.

It only took about 2 seconds to clue in to what I did. I then proceeded to manually open the door, red faced and finish my business.

Oyi.

What am I gonna do? And when am I going to find time to eat the gigantic slice of humble pie waiting for me? My Mom warned me of this many years ago when I was teasing her about her need for 3.4 million lists and the inevitable thing she'd still forget. She said she gave birth to half of her brain when she had me and then half when she had my bro. If that's true then between the two of us we only have half a brain (my mom and I that is) and Corey's memory sucks huge, so this family is in trouble!

What I need, is a shout out from all you other Moms. Please, tell me I'm not alone. Fib a little if you have to just please, I don't want to be the only one working in DOS while all my friends are Windows Vista. Oh, and if you have the secret, the pill or the weekend at the spa (it's worth a try) solution to my dilemma, share please share.

Otherwise I fear we are headed for a complete system meltdown.

*Who is "they"? Seriously I NEED to know (because my brain isn't already full of useless crap) who, "they" is. Because me and "they" we need to talk.


This picture's not really that relevent but I found it today and it made me laugh. I totally feel like that somedays.

1 comment:

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

Oh I think we all feel like that when our kids are little. All I can say is that it gets better. Not much help though, is it? :)

Hang in there!