What Not To Wear

This photo has nothing really to do with the post, Bethany asked me to post it.  After I took these pictures she asked to do a family picture, I told her Daddy would be home later and she said, "No Mommy, just the girls family".  Mostly, she just wanted to use the auto settings on my camera

Ever wish you had Stacy and Clinton hiding in your closet to chose your outfit each day?  What about if you could shoot them with the machine from Honey I Shrunk the kids, then put them in your purse (not your pocket, that's just wrong on so many levels) for each trip to the mall?  What if they were your best friends, and had Starbuck's with you three times a week and you were always in style, and knew it?

No?  You don't wish that?  Well, I do.  I've watched What Not To Wear for so long, trying to soak up every bit of fashion advice, style wisdom and body confidence that they give to the people on their show.  I won't lie, I love the sarcastic humour and loath Stacy's "Shut the Door!", while I enjoy seeing the bizarre clothes that others own (mostly because it makes me feel a little better about what I wear on a daily basis) my favourite part comes near the end of the show.  It's the first moment the show's guest see's themselves in for the first time.  Each time the look is full of wonder, of joy, of surprise and of confidence.  In the matter of a week, a few thousand dollars and a touch of make-up, even the most "self assured" person walking in there exudes a new level of self.  The confidence that came in a plaid wrapped package is replaced by a glow accentuated by beautiful clothes and wicked awesome shoes.

While I don't want to be the victim of secret footage, or have to surrender my hair to the hands of the snip happy hair stylists on the show, I sure would love to be nominated!  The chance to not only get a whole closet full of new clothes which I didn't have to pay for, but to have someone tell me honestly how I look in them and make sure that I chose things that are flattering, beautiful and fashion forward - makes me drool.  I know what I like, I hope that what I wear is acceptable and I do my very best to not look like a 2 dollar hooker or spinster from the 30's, but I worry everyday about how I look in the things I own. 

I worry that I look fat, or that I look like I'm too old trying to be too young, or that I'm too young trying to look too old.  I worry about a plethora of things, but mostly, top of the list is I worry that I'll embarass my husband or my children.  I'd hate to think that my appreancemight make my girls want to hide in a rack of clothes, or that my husband would wish that I wore something else (No Corey, this is not the time to inform me you wished I wore a two piece bathing suit - not happening).  Aside from the fact that he complains each time I wear the jeans that are literally 2 sizes two big because I hate clothes shopping and I haven't really replaced them, Corey says he thinks I look good, but I still worry.

Each time I watch the show, I see Stacy and Clinton pass something secretly to their guests.  It's not the drug of the week, but here and there guests get a hit of confidence high.  They get told by people who know what they're talking about that they look "hot" in something.  They get told that they've got great legs by someone who isn't related to them by marriage or by blood and they get made to feel like they're ok, just the way they are.  I want me some of that.

I've asked Corey to nominate me, I've begged, I've even threatened to pull out all my maternity clothes and wear them and only them until the camera crews show up - he still says no.  He's not a fan of the idea of me having to forfeit my hair because he loves it long, but mostly he's says he's happy with me the way I am, why change what you already like!  I'd nominate myself but the fear of looking like a self centered you know what, keeps me from that.  So, for now I watch with longing.

The idea of someone teaching me how to dress the body I'm stuck with, showing me how to pick things that are versatile and explain how the heck to wear those incredible accessories I can only look longingly at in the store, is the thing sweet dreams are made of.  The idea of being exposed on national TV, laughed at and caught on secret footage in my worst moments, makes me glad right now that Corey won't nominate me (although I won't say no if someone knocks on the door).   This dressing one's self should be easier than it is, I mean, if they would just regulate what stores created and sold to be only things that are flattering and fashion forward we'd all have 'er made.  But part of the problem is, stores still sell things like pants with stirrups (those, gave me a quick and awkward flashback to my childhood) setting women and men, up for fashion failure.  It's a WNTW moment in the making.

So, for now I guess I just get to watch and learn, then do my best with what I can.  And hope, that should someone (that'd be you) see me walking down the street in an obvious fashion NO that they'll (still you) do one of two things: 1. Pull me aside, suggest I go home and put on pants that don't sag like that of a teenage boy or 2. snap a photo and send it in.  Hey, you never know, it just might work.

How about you?  Do you think you're a fashion yes or a fashion not so much?