Thursday, May 3, 2007

I've been Violated!

"I've been Violated!!! I can't believe this! This is disgusting!" Those were the words out of my husband's mouth on that fateful New Year's Day back in 2006. We were in the process of loading our snowmobiles into the back of Scott's truck when something was unloaded on my dear husband. Let me explain....

The snowmobiles are stored at Corey's Grandma's house, which since she passed away a few years ago is rented out. It's on a lovely piece of orchard property with about 2 acres remaining. The particular tenants in the house at the time had an unruley mutt running around pooping everywhere. This seemed like a great plan for both the dog and the tenants as nobody had to clean it up because the yard was so large. And as much as this pleased them it did not please us. "The Dog" had recently decided that the area surrounding the snowmobiles made for perfect crapping grounds, leaving the boys less than desirable space to work with the day we went to get them out. Corey decided that the best move would be to run the sled up and down the orchard rows to clear all the poop and other matter out of the tracks. After riping back and forth for a few minutes having more fun than one should have during poo removal it was time to load the truck.

Now normally when loading these machines they'd back the truck upto a bank and just drive on. This winter however at the house there wasn't enough snow so we had to take another approach. They found a BROKEN piece of plywood (that's right I said broken, a nice sized split down the left side) propped it up on Scott's talegate leaving themselves a less than desirable angle to work with and prepared to load. Corey took a few runs at the loading first, backing the machine way up and then running at the "ramp". Each attempt ended with the nose of the snowmobile hitting the bottom of the plywood and Corey being jerked to an immediate stop. Scott only let Cor do this about 3 times when he got sick of watching. Now everyone knows that Scott is the more daring of the Stone brothers so once again we lined up the load. ( I say we in the loosest of ways - I was standing there directing them in that know-everything-but-know-nothing tone, praying that they'd just get on with it.) This time Corey stood with is foot on the plywood stopping it from slamming into the nose of the machine.

Well, now let me tell you Scott took that ramp at some speed! He managed to get up onto the tailgate and needed to inch the snowmobile further up on the truck. So he once again gave 'er some gas. By this time I could see the tracks and they were full! Corey was standing directly behind the sled and before I could say "Watch out! Your gonna get it" out it came. What seemed like a million pounds of dog crap, orchard goop and miscellaneous junk came flying out and hit Corey directly in the face and upper chest. (Pardon me while I laugh...I need a second here). That's when he errupted in "I've been VIOLATED!" and Scott and I errupted in endless amounts of laughter.

This story doesn't end here however. We now needed to get Corey changed into some sweeter smelling duds back at our place. Which was about a 5 minute drive away. We all loaded into the truck held our breath and proceeded. Now to tell you what a great brother Scott is we were living in a place that didn't have laundry facilities so Scott took the smelly suit home and washed it for us. Thanks Bro!

This is one of the funnies and grossest things I have ever seen. And every time I think of this story I laugh with tears. This came up because the other day I had my own violation moment. There I was sitting in a nice tub with my little girl when she decided she'd try pooping sans diaper. EWWWWWW There where floaties everywhere! Let me tell you I gagged, stood up, promptly showered her off and handed her to her dad. Then I scrubbed the first 3 layers of skin of my body in an attempt to get rid of the creepy crawlies.

Hope those stories made you laugh like it did us and wishing you all less than "poopy" days to come.



1 comment:

Mom G said...

HAHAHAH. ya gotta know that the mentail images you painted are way to funny. Sorry as a Mom I should feel bad for you both, just can't in this case. Way to funny!
Love you all and miss you tons!
Mom