I was out Stumbling around this morning, while waiting for my brain to wake up and I landed on this site.
They have a whole bunch of different things that people have said/written that are hilarious. It was exactly what I needed and being that it's early and I'm still a little punchy some of them made me laugh, a lot. It's ok though, Corey's not home and my kids already know I'm nuts :) Here are some of my favorites:
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
- "The other car collided with mine without giving me any warning of his intentions"
- "I thought my window was down, but found that it wasn't when I put my hand through it"
- "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
- "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
- "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
- "The patient refused an autopsy.""Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
- "She is numb from her toes down."
- "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
- "The skin was moist and dry."
- "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
- "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you."
- "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."
- "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."
- "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
- "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'"
- "The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon."
Excuse Notes from School:
- "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
- "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
- "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
- "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."
- "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."
- "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
- "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."
- "I'm being haive!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother told him told to behave
- "I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!"
- "Well, sometimes I say something mean to my brother, but I feel really good inside. Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?"
- "One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."
- "You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."
- "A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."
- "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
- "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
- "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
- "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."
- "It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
And that's only just a sample of what they have over there at Things People Said . For a really good laugh go over and spend awhile. And if you having something funny you've said, heard or read, comment and let me know. Who knows maybe I'll add a funny "quote of the day" section in my sidebar and you could be featured!