It seems this past Fall has left Corey and I with choices to make. In fact we've had changes, choices and trials coming out the wazoo. And ya know what, this wazoo, is tired, confused and closed for business. (Some how no matter how many times I wrote that sentence it never sounded right...)
Before Audrey got sick Corey and I were faced with a decision about his work situation. It wasn't really a surprise as we knew it was coming, but the time had come for Corey to make a career change. The marine industry, especially here in the good ol' Wack is pretty volitile. The shop would be busy all summer and slow like a frozen dog all winter. And while some of the places Corey'd worked had been able to provide some kind of income over the winter months this particular employer couldn't/wouldn't (nepotism sucks when you're not the nephew). Add to that, Corey had been feeling unsatisfied and his boss treated him, lousy - actually lousy doesn't even begin to describe it but for the sake of letting by gones be by gones and all that jazz I'll leave it there. But work up until September was slowly sapping the life out of my ever joyful husband, we were all feeling the effects of his unhappy days.
So, I saddled up to the computer to update his resume, because quite simply computers are my thing, just like tools and car stuff are Corey's (did you know a differential was big and can't fit into a car trunk? I didn't, till now). We both proof read it and off he went, it wasn't until a few weeks later that Corey noticed a small typo on my part where instead of writing about how Corey "assessed and diagnosed marine engines" I wrote "asses and diagnosed" um, oops. Anyways, he was hired to go back driving semi-truck on day trips and working in the yard at a local steel and salvage company. He was also training at a concrete plant and making up for lost hours with my Dad framing. Since work was already scares and the steel place had guaranteed full time work, we bit the bullet, wrote the resignation letter and Corey quit.
It was God's timing as the changes that were to come at his previous employeers would surely have decreed the amount of work he'd have had. We settled (and I mostly mean me) into the idea of something new and prepared to carry on. Just when I figured things would settled down Audrey got sick. We survived that, and were feeling exhausted but encouraged, God was surely guiding our way.
About 3 weeks in, Corey and I were on our way to the city and were just talking about how he felt this could be long term and a great opprotunity for us, when the phone rang. It was his supervisor informing him that steel had dropped it's stock price so dramatically they had to face lay offs and since Corey was the newbie he was the first to go.
It felt surreal. We hadn't made this choice lightly, infact we'd both together and seperately spent hours in prayer over it and felt this was God's leading. After that phone call, I wasn't so sure. While I've never doubted God's love for us, His continued support and guidance, His faithfulness, I was seriously questioning His sanity.
In some of those moments I was pretty sure He was clear off His rocker. And I told Him so.
I believe very firmly that God, being all seeing and all knowing like He is knows what we are thinking long before we even want to think it. And I believe that to have a true relationship with Him, I need to communicate those thoughts as plainly and as clearly as I do to and with my own husband when I'm less than impressed with him.
God heard it all, my frustration over work, my anger over letting my baby get sick, my confusion over making decisions regarding my own health and my over all defeat. "We've prayed so hard, we've tried even harder to follow your path, why are you letting this happen? Why aren't you answering my prayers, I'm tired of waiting. Do you even care? Are you listening? Seriously, ARE YOU LISTENING?!"
He did, in fact listen, without interrupting my tirade, to all the complaining, grumbling and whining. And when it was done, He left me silent for a while. Completely blank (don't laugh) and then He cuffed me upside with a real dose of reality.
"Not only am I listening Ashley, I'm provinding, I'm guiding and I'm answering. And while Yes, some of your prayers have been answered - wait, the most important one has been answered with a resounding yes! Look in your rearview mirror at your daughters fast asleep. What do you ask me over and over? What is it you plead with me on a daily, if not hourly basis? What is it, that keeps you breathing?"
Oh. You are so right.
You see, I plead with God on a regular basis to protect my family. To hold my daughters in His hands and to keep my family in His embrace. I pray often, very often that we will face any storm God places in our weather system, as long as He please, please protect my family, allowing us to grow up and grow old together. It's not a bargin, it's a plea. And while I don't always know if that will happen, each day I rest in the fact that He's in charge and today, His answer was yes.
I shared those things with Corey and we had a new found sense of understanding. He continued searching for work and we, continued to be thankful before being ungrateful where God and his answers were concerned.
2 weeks later, to the day, Corey's cellphone rang again. It was the steel company, their dispatch had called the yard looking for Corey to do a run and was floored that he wasn't there. He had work for Corey, and so, Corey's lay off officially ended. Thank you Father!
And while things are somewhat up in the air with the amount of work and scheduling, God's providing and teaching life altering lessons once again.
We have more choices to make, some, that will require another post all together. But for now, in this moment, I believe, with my whole heart that my Father, the One who answers my prayers, listens to my ramblings and comforts my soul, actually is in control. And He is more sane, than I'll ever be.