We had a wonderful weekend, it was so great to see old friends, to be back in the part of our country that we love and to have some time together. It was also great to go on a road trip that was just the 4 of us. We are making the memories that will last a lifetime, and as Bethany gets older we are starting to actually make memories for her, ones that she may remember when she's 16. It was even great to roll back into "The Wack" on Sunday evening, pop over to my Mom and Dads for a quick hello (and they fed my family dinner, thanks!) and then come home. I'd made sure all the sheets were changed Friday before we left so when we got home, we all crawled into fresh sheets. Ahhhhh
And since our weekend and home coming were so great, why is it I'm in such a funk? I woke up Monday morning, annoyed.
"Annoyed at what?" you ask. I have no idea.
I was just annoyed. I was annoyed I had to get up, I was annoyed that my children decided that 7am on the dot was morning, I was annoyed I needed groceries, I was annoyed that I'm the only one to make the bed when Corey's not here, I was annoyed that after a weekend of eating carefully as usual I felt fatter than ever, I was annoyed that the number on the scale has slowed it's decline, I was annoyed that I have freckles (because that's a new developement*sarcasm) I was annoyed that the laundry wasn't finished while I slept, I was annoyed that the sun was coming through the window at a rotten angle making it difficult to read my morning blogs....I was just simply annoyed.
I figured the funk would burn off like the morning fog on the cow poo covered fields. But it didn't, it didn't go away after a good day with my kids, hanging out and playing, it didn't disappear after a trip to get groceries and Costco that was punctuated with a Starbucks visit (although as I was chewing my lemon loaf things did seem a little sunnier. Then I got to the bottom of the bag....), it didn't disappear after a nights sleep - notice I didn't say "good" night's sleep. Audrey isn't sleeping well due to molars showing their ugly heads and so neither am I.
I don't usually bring my moods here, while I complain sometimes and rant others, I very rarely air my "dirty laundry" here on the net. But this is my space, my place to be me, let off some steam, share my beautiful children and write because I can. So I decided that it was completely appropriate to share that here I am, 3 days later and still the funk continues. I've had moments of clarity, moments of joy (Corey let me have a bath and for the 4.5 minutes I was alone it was bliss), I've laughed and I've been ok. But for the most part, I'm just surviving this week. I'm just hanging on the countdown that the weekend is only 1 more sleep away.
I don't like feeling like this. I don't like getting easily frustrated with my children (as an aside: that frustration was well deserved when it came to Audrey yesterday. She had the king of all meltdowns/temper tantrums, throwing a fit that made anything B has ever done pale in comparison. Enough that while she clawed at her shirt trying to catch her breath amidst her fit I too felt like I needed to claw for air. I ached that she was so upset, I fumed that she was freaking out and I quite simply felt at a loss to a solution. It came in the form of a Ralph's World video and a bottle), I don't like feeling like my day to day life is suffocating me, I don't like grumpy me.
Lucky for me Corey and the girls are great (most of the time) they are understanding and loving. While I may snap at the kids a little sooner than usual they don't stop giving hugs and kiss, and while I may snarl at Corey on the phone,"I don't want to talk to you now" Click. All the while I'm driving, trying to get my kids to stoptalkingalready in the back seat, he still loves me and willingly meets me at the post office and Crappy Tire so I don't have to handle the kidlets alone. I've got a great support system in my parents and blogs to read that lift my spirits.
I've sent e-mails, tried phone calls and keep checking MSN but God isn't online and His answer to the "Why am I in Biotch-mood?" question have come back encripted, leaving me more ANNOYED!
It'll work out, my mood will fizzle out, hopefully a good weekend at home will help sooth my inner monster. Maybe I'll find something that will soothe this grouchy soul of mine, maybe I'll find a moment to relish with my girls or maybe just maybe the kids will sleep 13 hours, letting me sleep 13 hours, we'll wake up to sunshine and roses and life will be good again, it will be a day full of giggles, nobody will have a temper tantrum, shout "NO" at their Mommy, need a time out, poop in their panties, and the same kids who slept 13 hours will also nap 2 hours in the afternoon, on a Friday giving their Mommy a break.
What? A girl can dream can't she?