Sunday, September 26, 2010

It's this thing called "Perfection" and it's going around

In my life I have read a lot of literature.  I have read Shakespeare (some by choice, some not so much), I have read biology books, Archie Comics, Cosmopolitan Magazine (ps. Corey says thankyouverymuch for that one article I read in 2005, it was gold), and Teen Beat.  I read daily blogs, mommy information pamphlets, romance novels and my Bible.  I am someone who considers themselves to be knowledge starved, always in search of new and useful information, and one who soaks up every ounce.  If in fact you were to take a step back and look at my life, you'd see that at least 50% of my waking hours have been spent with my nose buried in a book, reading this thing or that.  Basically it's one of my major food groups, the one that feeds the ol' brain cells - whatever's left of them.

And of all of the things I have read in my life, very few have left the impact on me that what I am about to share with you today has.  I'm saying that with all sincerity and seriousness, only a handful of things that I have read in my whole 20 something years on this planet (you do not need to know the something) have left this kind of mark on both my heart and my mind.  And I'd say that says something about the importance of a written word, when a person compares it to the other influential works of literature in her life and it comes up on the list not far from the Word of God - pretty heavy stuff ...if you ask me.

I'm talking about a post called "The disease called "Perfection"", written by Single Dad Laughing.  It's a real and serious look at what's happening to the society we live in based on our daily search for the "Perfect Life".  He says so clearly what I've been dying to put into words for so very long.  He puts so plainly what we all chose to ignore because it would be easier to ignore the truth, the imperfection, the faults, rather than let them smack us in the face so we can knock them out of the ball park.

I'm not going to paraphrase or spend an hour giving you an in depth look at what I think about what he has to say.  At least, not tonight, but I am going to ask you to go read it.  Please take the time, please read it from the first word to the last and please come back and tell me what you think.

We're living in a broken world, one that's full of more corruptness than I can even fathom, we're living in a society that treats alcoholism, drug addiction, childhood obesity, infidelity, self mutilation and eating disorders as common, household annoyances - like nothing more than a leaky faucet or a backed up toilet.  Famous people turn up dead of one cause or another, images aren't what they seem and "reality TV" is anything but, and still someone, somewhere tells us we're not good enough.  This world may be broken, on it's last legs but with every breath that it labours to breathe it whispers, "You're Fat!"  "You're Ugly" "You don't have a job because nobody can stand to be around you" "Why didn't your parents just name you Stupid, would have saved us all time"  "Your worthless, no one, will ever love you"

But the top just blew off of that game, someone threw the cards on the table and called a spade, a spade.  And if I do say so myself, it's about damn time.

At the end of the article, he asks us to share how perfect we aren't, because you never know who needed to hear that.  Who's looked at you, as someone you're not and who desperately needs to know they're not alone.  And I love that, what a great way to make us all feel as worthy as we truly are.  So, here it is, here's how perfect I'm not

- Sometimes I turn the TV on for the kids, just because I can't handle one more question, problem, game, because I feel like my brain is about to explode and I need a break

- I have never, not once, looked in the mirror and been completely satisfied with myself. 

- While I have carried and birthed two children, my boobs haven't grown at all.  They are still as small as they were in the 7th grade and it makes me feel like less of a woman.  I spend countless hours trying to find the right bra to make them appear even slightly bigger, and each time I joke about their size, I'm silently crying inside.
-  That awkward, chubby girl from high school, who none of the boys ever noticed and who believe with all her heart that she would grow up to an old, lonely spinster, because nobody would ever think her worthy of love, still lives inside of me and haunts my days.

- To second that, each morning I wake up and almost have to pinch myself because someone did marry me, and for the life of me I can't understand why

- I avoid going back to Hope for fear of running into the people in high school who made me feel so small.  Because while on the outside I'm a confident, happy woman on the inside I still feel their rejection.

- My children make me angry enough sometimes that I have to walk away.  Not because I believe I could physically hurt them, I know I couldn't but because I'm afraid it would come out it words - ones that I'd never be able to take back.  And that anger scares me, because I know in my hands and in my words is the potential for life altering damage.

- I worry about everything, my children's safety, my husband's self esteem, my house, my hair, the food I feed the kids, the bank balance, the list goes on.  I worry more than I don't, and try as I might, pray as I do, read as much as I can, I can't make it stop, it is, what I do.

This post made me take a hard look at my life, at the moments of perfection that I strive for and the things I need to change before they become the ones that hurt my children, or the ones that damage my marriage.  It also felt like it gave me a voice a chance to share with someone else, the reality of being real.  To give power too the imperfect (hey, yo that's me!) and rain buckets of acid on the disease I have called "Perfection" 

On my sidebar, you'll see this

it's a  badge, a permalink to the post because I want to share this message.  I believe, that it holds the potential to change lives, to get people talking and to force us to be real.  You never know when getting real, can change a day, touch a soul or save a life.

So, please go take a look, read his article, each word and then come back and share with me, someone who cares about you, and who wants and needs to know - how perfect aren't you.


Anonymous said...

Well said. There is no use in striving for perfection in the world, because there is no such thing. If you must strive for something, strive for excellence. Excellence leaves room for mistakes, while perfection does not.

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I never strive for perfection, it's impossible. That said, I focus far too much on how imperfect I am and what I will do to change that.

Sometimes I think I have been working far too much on how I look on the outside and not spending near enough time on the inside....

Anonymous said...

You sure you want my response? :)
First of all, that is one of the most impactful and honest article on expectations and points of endless search for approval I have ever met. It has left me with a heavy heavy heart for so many. You know where I have come from Honey and what some of the things I carried for a lot of years. This article is truthful and has a heavy message. I am truly, truly learning to find places in me to deal with my "list". The Transformation process I am going through has taken me through some ugly mud holes of self hate and is bringing me through it. There is a lot of work to be done in me as I don't believe anyone goes through life without feeling the impact of some of this stuff and the pain it bears. Thanks Honey for posting this and encourageing me to read it. A great find.
Love you!