I'm coming out...

I have this secret I've kept for a long time, something that's been hiding deep down, something that only my husband and few select people know - I watch reality TV, and enjoy it! In fact, I'd say I take great pleasure in it at time. Big Brother, Supernanny, The Real world, The Pussycat Dolls -search for the next doll, America's Next Top Model and of course and most importantly American Idol. *Hangs head in shame*

Yes, it's true. I enjoy these shows. In some cases it's because I'd rather watch a whole bunch of strangers living in a house arguing over who left dirty dishes in the sink than watch a show about some creepo who did something disgusting and the dedicated people who hunt them down. As much as some of these shows just might be tugging my intelligence level down a little, at least they aren't giving me nightmares. (I'm such a baby when it comes to scary things, I still can't watch Sleeping Beauty....that lady's scary!) Big Brother, The Real World and ANTM (oh, how I loath the skinny bodies of those tic-tac chowing chicks some nights. It won't happen, not that skinny at least..haha) are all on that list. Super Nanny is in a class of it's own, I am sucking up all the parenting DON'T's I can so that I can avoid being nominated for that show when Bethy is older, or worse, having children that are that out of control.

American Idol and the Pussycat dolls however hold a different draw. I love to sit down to watch them and imagine that I was there. As try outs begin I sit comfortably in my flannel jammies, curled up in my recliner and tell myself I could do better than, Her. I love to cringe at those flat notes and console myself with the fact that I could probably fool my way through a scale keeping it marginally on key. Then as the competition continues on I pick a favorite and cling to their every song. I love hearing them develop and seeing the different vocal tricks they learn and yes, I thoroughly enjoy scoffing at Simon. Oh, Simon - so cruel, so vicious and yet, there's something about him that makes everyone secretly like him. He's what makes Idol entertaining, at least this year, what with Paula sober now.

These shows are as far as it will ever go for me. I lack the ability and the courage to ever try to take it farther. It's safer to sit at home and dream, than to go and be totally and completely humiliated. There are people in life who are gifted with the beautiful songbird voices (my mom is one of them) and there are those who are able to sorta sing on key. I am the latter of the two and that's ok. I'm happy enough singing my downloaded Karaoke in private and singing my little girl sweetly to sleep. She doesn't complain, she doesn't criticize, she just smiles at me with love, and that's what matters. But I can still hang onto those fleeting dreams and live my life vicariously through the brave souls who dare to try.

Do any of you have "Reality Dreams"?