Please speak clearly into the tape recorder

Have I ever mentioned that I watch "The View"? That Whoopi (Hooray, Rosie is gone!), Elizabeth, Joy, Sherri and Barbara on occasion have been known to hang around. Or that Regis and Kelly are often guests in my living room ( although, if it were upto me I would mute Regis as fast as any hearing person mutes Richard Simmons...). They aren't there on a daily basis because, well, I work outside of our house 3 days a week and I have a daughter who is way more fun to play with than they are to listen to, and if the T.V. is on the morning I'm usually watching the Magic School bus. However, sometimes they are on and we watch, laugh, groan, sigh and maybe even learn something. Today was one of those days and Barbara Walters was talking about her special coming up that covers the Oscars. She's interviewed 5 celebrities of interest.

Talk about a sweet job. I would love to interview 5 famous people, ask them my questions and get real answers. Watching this morning totally got me to thinking of the 5 most interesting people here on earth I'd interview. (If we start going into the ones who are Holy or dead, I'd run out of space and time, can you imagine what an interview with John the Baptist would be like? Or Frank Sinatra?) Right, back to the here and now.

1. Martha Stewart: She's only like one of the world's greatest women. Yes, I know she's been to prison, and yes I saw the TV movie of how she's a monster to those around her but seriously, the woman who can basically take a rotten banana peal and make it the center piece on the Queen's table get's my A #1 vote. I've watched and mimiced her for years, she's been company when I was lonely, informative when I was pretty sure I could never make meatloaf and all around a super crafty lady (in both the artsy and the criminal kinda way). I'd love to pick her brain on cooking, organizing, entrepenurialism - if that's a word, and just generally what it's like to be her.

2. Barbara Walters: Why not put the Queen of Interviews in the hot seat? The stories she could tell (if she'd only loosen those lips) of all the interviews of the past. She's a brilliant woman who paved the way for women in the news and broadcasting industry. She's a daytime and evening television star, and that's nothing to scoff at. Very few people can call themselves that veristile, and be good at it to boot. Her class and dignity never cease to amaze me and if something has her touch on it, it's bound to be a success.

3. BC's Minister of Finance Carole Taylor: A carbon Tax, are you kidding me? You really think that by adding more tax onto our fuel that it's going to stop us from driving? You're saying that by charging us more, but returning to the people "100%" (HAHA! Liar!) that we're going to stop at the pump and think "Gee, maybe I'll put my baby in the stroller, bundle up, haul out my umbrella and walk 40KM to Abbotsford to get our groceries at Costco, in the RAIN?!" Or how about our friends up North, are you suggesting that they pull out their snow shoes - because lets face it most of those small communities don't have public transit and even if they did the weather is pretty rough a large part of the year - and hoof it to the doctor's office with a fever? I just want to know when the last time she filled up her limo? Or when she purchased fuel, or even more, how much did you spend on those UGLY SHOES?! I'm all for reducing emmisions and helping the environment but lets start at the source and encourage vehicle manufacturers to produce vehicles with less emmisions, at a more affordable rate. Not line her pockets, because that's what'll happen.

4. Dr. Phil: I was wondering what school he went to, to learn everything. He seems like there's no question he can't answer, no marriage he can't fix and no person that's without a problem that they need his help on. Now don't get me wrong, I like Dr. Phil but sometimes, I get sick and tired of the know it all attitude. For once, I'd love to hear him say, "You know, I just don't think I have the answer for that..." Maybe if I interviewed him, I'd have that one special question. Probably not, but a girl can pretend right?

5. Paula Abdul: Oh, you knew I was gonna put one of them on here. You can count on a reality TV junkie couldn't resist taking a crack at one of the "stars" of the show. And why not pick the one who seems like she's on crack. Or at least a little drunk from time to time. I know, I know, play fair but really, you should check out that episode on YouTube and then tell me she was sober. I've never been drunk but it's pretty hard to miss that sluuurrrrr. I'd like to know what Simon is really like? Why she insists on telling the people who can't sing that their pretty (as if being beautiful is going to soften the blow of, "You suck!") and what about the ones who can, are they ugly? What possed her to attempt singing when dancing is clearly her talent? Or why, oh why she wears some of the "lovely" things that she does?

Oh, if only...or maybe not. I'd probably learn things I don't want to know. Who would you interview if you could?