I want cake.
It's actually that simple, I want cake. For about the last 6 weeks from what seems like the moment I get out of bed to the moment I crawl exhausted back into it at night, I am thinking about a piece of cake. And not really just any cake, I want either a really super cupcake, like we had from this amazing little cupcakery in Vancouver when we went away for our anniversary or else a McCain's Chocolate cake. You know the kind you find the freezer section of the grocery story, rich, chocolaty with just the right amount of icing.
I blame this, well, obsession on 1 really stupid but obviously well done commercial that McCain's is running right now for that blasted cake. It's where this woman is in her kitchen eating a piece of heaven (translate: THE Cake) and her husband comes in and announces that he's going to become a mime. Blah, blah, blah he performs she tells him he's an idiot basically and then goes back to the cake. Ever since that fateful day, I've wanted cake.....a lot.
The thing is, I still have yet to have a morsel of cake. Now, it's not for lack of seeing them in the grocery story, and there have been moments I have contemplated a trip to English Bay to indulge myself but the same problem remains. Would I have any will power?
You see, I am a very well, um, how would you say....
Headstrong - translate: stubborn
If I say I won't do something, it doesn't happen. If I say I don't like something, I'm not going to eat it and if I say no thank you don't even think of pushing unless you want to see my "wrath"
But back to the issue at hand. Before getting pregnant I had a firm plan of eating healthy and well all week, no snacks after supper, no treats during the week and especially no Coke from Monday to Thursday. Friday I'd "let my hair down" have a Coke, maybe a burger, a treat and enjoy my weekend, before returning to my regularly scheduled program on Monday. It's how I lost my baby weight and maintained a healthy lifestyle.
Since becoming pregnant, I've done my best to follow this same routine, being only slightly more relaxed. I might have a small treat during the week, and I need to snack in the evenings but it's usually a greek salad or cucumber. I still have my weekend indulgences but that's where the buck stops. So, this insatiable cake craving is kinda throwing a kink in my plans.
I use the word craving very seriously because, many of us pregos confuse cravings/"needs" with wantings. I want to go to Las Vegas with my family, I want a spa weekend, but I am totally CRAVING chocolate cake.
Are you asking yourself why this woman, who is so regimented and has the self control of a nun sitting across from a towel clad Brad Pitt, hasn't had just 1 piece cake?
Let me tell you, it's because I'm afraid of the cake. When pregnant with Bethany I baked Corey my ever delish Whatever Floats your Boat brownies and before he ever returned home from work consumed the WHOLE PAN. That's right, I ate the whole thing and the scary part....I enjoyed it. Many things have changed in my pregnancy handling this time but I don't want to start this cycle again.
By this point in my pregnancy with Bethany I'd gained 18lbs and rising. From week 23-24 I gained a whopping 8lbs. It only got worse, and I am determined not to repeat myself. I am currently at 8lbs up total and pretty happy, in that I don't wanna be "fat" way, but I'm still cautious.
Maybe cautious isn't the right word, maybe, afraid is. I know I've blogged of it before. I know weight blogs can be such a drag but really, I need to vent. I don't want to be exceeding the 200lbs mark this time. I don't want to hardly lose even the weight of my child after giving birth, I don't want it to take a year to lose all the baby weight.
I do understand that I can 't be healthily pregnant without a little weight gain, and that I did lose it once and will again. I know that it's not the end of the world and I chose daily what to put in my mouth but really, what if I like the cake that much?
What if I buy the cake, cut a modest slice, put the remainder in the fridge, eat it, put my plate on the counter, lick the crumbs off my belly and stare loooongingly at the fridge. Then because it's only a "sliver" more (you know a Paul Bunion sized sliver) have another bite and so on and so forth until it's gone. Then because I want to have some the "share" with Corey I get another cake, the cycle repeats with maybe Corey getting 1 bite and again I need more cake. Soon I will be the sole supporter of McCain cakes world wide and stock holders will be kissing my feet. And that's great for them because at least they will be able to see them, because I surely won't.
So, I'm a what-iffer. And so what, this is hugely melodramatic and I'm exaggerating a touch. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and I want cake. I went to Starbucks today for one of their Whole Wheat Raspberry Scones because it's a kinda substitute and it says "Whole Wheat" so it must be healthy. Anyhoo, they didn't have any and I almost cried! I'm not kidding I almost cried over a scone, and we're only at the 6 month mark. See what poor Corey and Bethany have to live with. I laugh till I cry one minute and then cry till I laugh the next.
It's going to be a long 17 weeks. Especially if I don't get some cake, really soon!