Thursday, November 20, 2008

In the Mood

These days it seems I am totally Not in The Mood. Hold your dirty minds, not that kind of "not in the mood". It's more like, I'm not in the mood to do anything in particular. I'm not in the mood to blog (hence the lack of posts), or to comment, I don't feel like doing the dishes or tying my shoes, I'm not generally in the mood to eat or even think about making food, generally, if there is something to do, I'm not in the mood.

Sound like fun? Not so much, especially for my poor family. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not shirking my Motherly/Wifely duties by not doing the required tasks - dinner, dishes, playing toys, laundry, groceries....the list goes on and gets done. It may get done a little slower than before but it does get done, with the help of my husband and daughter. I'm still working and doing my PartyLite both of which I thoroughly enjoy but just don't feel like doing. Even with my lack of self motivation and my not in the moodiness I still manage to keep life going.

What am I in the mood for? Um, good question, I don't really know. Maybe a good book, a nap and then the eviction of the little munchkin who's decided to take up prenatal kick boxing in my uterus? Or a hot bath (which Corey lets me have whenever time permits, great guy I have!), a foot massage and a trip to Labour and Delivery?

See the common theme here? I'm totally over being pregnant and it's affecting my moods. We are 30 weeks and although that's 2/3's of the way there it's not close enough. Things in this pregnancy have taken a rather downward spiral and aren't going so well, making me once again hate being pregnant. The abdominal pain is back in full force, very different than with Beth but back none the less restricting what I can do or rather what I should be doing. With Bethy I could sit and relax most of the day, let Corey do some of the grunt work around the house and focus on me. This pregnancy I have a wonderful little girl who keeps me laughing and is a daily joy but also requires a lot of love and attention. I don't have the luxury of sitting in my recliner for 8 hours knitting, instead I have the pleasure of playing with Beth, hearing her laugh and carrying on with life. It's just some days that's a little tough to handle. Things have gotten bad enough that the doc sent us for an emergency ultrasound two weeks ago for fear that my placenta was separating from my uterus, talk about scary...praise the Lord it wasn't and little Rosebud is just fine. So, that means I need to be tough, and hang in there, they can't do anything for us.

Adding to that is the fact that like every other pregnant woman out there my growing belly is becoming a growing nuisance. I can't tie my shoes without feeling as if my insides are being folded into an accordion, walking up a flight of stairs results in my breathing like a sumo wrestler after a 1 mile jog and I'm pretty sure that someone has taken and put a vice grip on my pelvic bone squeezing just enough to make me feel as though it will break.

Oh I'm a positive one today....

In reality though, as bad as I feel and as unmotivated as I am, things aren't that bad. I still have my family, I'm not on bed rest (although I've been told that extreme rest is in order when I'm having a rough day, um hello? What's that? I have toddler, I don't even pee alone.), Rosebud is healthy and growing, Bethany is happy, we have a great home to live in, and at 30 weeks I've only gained 20lbs.

By this time with Bethany I'd already gained 34lbs and it was climbing fast. I was dead set and determined to not gain it like that again and so far so good. Now that's not to say that in the next 24 hours because I blogged about it I won't gain another 50lbs and not be able to fit into anything but as of right now things are at a steady climb. I credit part of that to the fact that I truly am not in the mood to eat very often. I do eat because I have to but I'm not hungry most of the time and when I am I can't consume very much. I don't crave the junk food as bad as with Beth and like I've said before I've learned to control those "cravings" (which are wants in disguise). Other than Starbucks Raspberry Wheat Scones and Subway sandwiches there isn't anything food related that is enjoyable, eating is just a job. It's still hard on my ego every time I step on the scale and see the little arm moving upwards. I worry with each doctor's visit I will hear that I'm gaining to much or too fast but as of yesterday he was very pleased with my gain and has no concerns. WAHOOO! I can't even tell you how much better it is to hear that then last time. He's also said that with this pain going as bad as it is he won't let me go over due. As of right now we'll go full term but if somebody doesn't GET OUT by 40 weeks she'll get a gentle nudge out, and if that doesn't work she's grounded till she's 50. He says that chances are good that she'll arrive early like Bethany but of course don't hold my breath.

Wanna know what? I'm so holding my breath, early is awesome! Not too early but just enough that she's ready and I'm free. The only good thing about being pregnant is the baby in the end, the rest I'd do without and won't do again.

So anyways, if you've missed my comments or longed for my posts (a girl can dream) I'm still around and I may be in the mood a little more often. But for now, I'm still there, still reading, still thinking about blogging but until I can Get In the Mood you're gonna have to wait. Sorry, it seems I'm holding out on you too.


Melissa said...

You're not in this alone. I hear ya, feel the same as you, and empathize completely!

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you my little girl. You look awesome pregnant... I love you dear.
Love Mom / Grammy

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you my little girl. You look awesome pregnant... I love you dear.
Love Mom / Grammy

Sherri said...

Ashley.. you are totally describing my pregnancy right now.. I can't bend over either and its getting harder and harder to put Makenna's shoes on let alone mine! Thank goodness for some new maternity clothes because this pregnancy I am gaining like crazy! 25lbs so far! And i knock everything over with my tummy! i'm praying for an early baby too.. Can't imagine the pain in your tummy.. I thought my pubic pain was bad cause it keeps me from doing active stuff, but your pain sounds unbearable..
Are you having a girl? Doc's pretty sure I am.. they told me 80% chance back at my 20 week ultrasound. But we'll see. Good luck with the pregnancy!

Mindy Richmond said...

I wondered where you had been ;) I understand not being in the mood to blog, I got that way when I was pregnant too. Oh, and eating is just a job. Yeah I remember that. So sorry you are feeling so cruddy - you're almost there!

Kami said...

I missed something...when did you find out she was a she???

How exciting!

I am sorry you are feeling so not in the mood (I can relate) and food isn't all that appetizing..that must be no fun. But yay on the weight gain :-)

Ashley said...

No, my girlfriend found out that she is having a little girl. Sherri was asking if we knew what we were having.