Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Do's and Don'ts of Horn-y moments

I don't by any means boost about being a good driver. In fact, it's no secret that driving may not exactly be my strong suit, case in point. Over the past 10 years I've defiantly learned some lessons, had some scares and acquired some knowledge. I'm certainly not the best driver on the road but I am defiantly better than the stars of Canada's Worst Driver, or some of the crazies from Alberta. (If you are currently a resident of that fair province, and are a good driver please accept my apologies. If you are simply a resident of that province, get your act together. It's called a corner and it's not that hard!)

Anyways, my darling husband, is a much better driver than I. He's the primary driver in our house, the four wheeler, the designated teacher of all things automotive (We decided that on about the second day I was pregnant with Bethany. Or maybe Corey had already make that decision when he found out I didn't change the oil in my car for like a year...isn't it supposed to be black with chunks?) and of course when he's home my chauffeur. Aside from this accident he has a stellar driving record.

However, there is one thing he has no clue how to do, something that when it comes to being the driver of a vehicle this particular skill eludes him all together. No, it's not talking on his cellphone and driving he's great at that (he can't manage a good conversation with me in person in the vehicle "I'm thinking about driving, that's what I'm thinking.", Nooooo but he can certainly blabber on to the guy at Lordco about the thingy for the whirly do-hicky under the hood that's squealing like a pig in a rotating door. Ahem) It's actually the usage of his Horn.

I am a huge horn honker. Not that I use it at inappropriate moments but I feel it's my only verbal tool while behind the wheel of my vehicle. Yelling at other drivers only makes you look crazy and my children flinch so what else am I gonna do when you're about to run me off the road? Something dangerous is about to happen I honk, someone get in my way unnecessarily I honk...you get the drift.

Corey on the other hand, drives amazingly through those circumstances but fails to use his horn. On more than one occasion the horn may have avoided some scary situations or alerted a driver who's not paying attention that "HELLO I'M RIGHT HERE!".

We've talked about this many a time and he's more than willing to admit his horniphobia. Until just recently, we were driving down a busy farm road and ended up behind a van waiting to turn. There are copious numbers of cars coming in the opposite direction and this driver was patiently waiting for a safe time to turn onto his street. Corey, being super excited about the horn decided to lay on the horn until earplugs were required. In a very "SERIOUSLY! Go already I don't care if you get creamed I'm BORED!" kind of way.

After giving him what for, for the mis-use of the vehicles most entertaining tool I laughed until I'm pretty sure I dribbled. Only poor sweet Corey would use his horn and look like a jerk. He wasn't trying to be, he just thought the dude was I dunno, hanging out on the road taking a nap.

To prevent such instances from happening again I have compiled a small list of do's and don'ts in Horn Etiquette.

Do: Honk when a semi truck is trying to change lanes and clearly doesn't see your tiny car beside him.
Don't: Honk at a Tim Horton's transport truck expecting him to magically drop coffee and donuts out the refrigerator door. He may give you something but I'm pretty sure it won't be coffee.

Do: Honk gently at the guy waiting for the light to change when he fails to notice it's turned green. Come on, we've all done that.
Don't: Honk at the guy waiting to turn left on a busy road. You will either cause a heart attack or make him jumpy. That or he'll be a really big guy who turns around, follows you home and then beats you up. (Hey, it could happen - Corey)

Do: Honk and wave at your spouse as you pull out of the driveway.
Don't: Honk at a hot city worker repaving the road. He may turn to look and wind up a asphalty mess.

Do: Honk annoyingly at your husband while following him home. It will make you laugh and for the first 5 minutes it will make him laugh. (warning: should you exceed 5 minutes you're on your own.)
Don't: Honk annoyingly at a police officer - ever. Unfortunately they have a donut (maybe from the Tim's truck) stuck up their you know wheres and they never find honking funny.

Hope that helps guys. And remember the next time you're ready to burst out in a volcano of road rage induced, profanity streaked, verbal diarrhea use your horn. I mean it's there for something right?


rachel joy said...

I like how you say it's your only verbal tool when driving. I totally agree. And my boys often ask me why I honked the horn. That helps with the accountability to be a courteous (yet helpful to teach others a lesson!) drive.

And I like how you say how 'defiantly' better you are than some other drivers. I think you mean 'definitely', but I suspect there's some defiance in there too. :)

Anonymous said...

I never remember to use my horn until its to late...Lol